For Sale: 40$ Lipstick

     
     I am cold and wineless as I sit here wrapped neck high in the most hideous cat printed blanket I have ever seen. For the last two hours I have been consemplating on wether or not I should rip up the cheap carpet in my closet sized living room, dig up a man made hole, throw all my outdated heels in the sunnuvabitch, and light it up like a high school homecoming bonfire just to keep from getting my heat bill refinanced next month.

Are you laughing? No? You must be paddling in the same boat. Come to my house and we can keep eachother warm for the next 6 to 8 months (F*cking Colorado). Bring your ugly dancing shoes and a cheap bottle of Boonesfarm...

Speaking of ugly shoes...yes, they do exist. Even those expensive Gianni Bini's you bought using two in a half months worth of gas money last season - they all have there day. I recently (actually last Saturday to be exact) retired a trusty old pair of glossy black Steve Madden's that have seen me through heartaches, foot breaks and countless train wrecked dates.  I'll admit that my eyes got a little teary as I layed them to rest in the dumpster behind my house. Not because I had a dying love for those four inch liquor calve toe crushers...but because I dont want to have to shell out the money for a new pair. (Note to self: need to get rich boyfriend prior to Christmas...Renote to self: need to get rich FEMININE GAY boy slash friend wanting a girlfriend as a cover up).

Nonetheless - I figured that walking down Tejon with the pitter patter of sexy legs in a pair of disinegrating heels is not so attractive. I wore those bad boys down to the very nail...and for about three weekends in a row - I walked around sounding like a pirate with a peg leg.


Beauty has no pain...(heartless bitch)

The economy has taken a toll on both my wallet, credit card (maxed) and vanity so I cracked and went to Walgreens today and bought a duo black eyeliner pencil for 2.99. I wanted to have a "Dane Cook Crying" moment right there in the store. You see I am in this very steady relationship with the Sephora Make Up store on North Powers and Carefree. We are at the point in our commitment to where an abiding agreement has been established and as long as I spend a minimum of 75$ dollars each time we hook up - she almost always gaurauntees me a mysterious set of sex kitten eyes and three good hair days a week. So you can imagine the disgust and guilt that races over me when going to Walgreens for a makeup run. The feeling is similar to finding your boyfriend cheating on you with the guy you had a crush on in 7th grade...one wearing a pink sparkly strap-on, and the other - your favorite Victorias Secret push up bra. Yeah, its really that bad and if you have ever tried the Gawd Damn 40$ lipstick I bought a few months back, in which I can't even remember the name of it, you would totally understand. The addiction is pure insanity, and if your love for vibrant blushes and drag queen eyeshadows is as bad as mine....then Sephora resembles the closest thing to men permanently leaving down the toilet seat and you are gaurunteed to walk out of there looking like a Million Dollar Mimi from the Drew Carey Show.

Well my little late night bloggettes, I have traded in the lipstick for the chapstick and have thrown in the ugly cat blanket for the night.

((In my state of desperation and during the course of this blog, I got up and managed to flip on the heat switch - only to turn it off nine minutes later. Does Craigslist permit the sale of lipsticks?? I'll mark it down 10% as is. I assume those 540 seconds of heated blowing air will be enough to prompt me to get a second job))

Sleep Pretty.

- SittingPretty719

...because everything is better that way!

I have a question...

How do you write to a non existent audience providing enough personal information to entice them to come back for more, while refraining from reaching that TMI level Klhoe Kardashian always seems to exceed? I wonder...

Well, I am no sex addict or phene. Quite frankly I haven't been laid in about 305 days. So if your looking for a late night sex talk...please feel free to contact my closet freak ex-boyfriend. I'm that girl that arrives late (fashionably of course) and leaves early. I worry about world peace but not enough to enroll in a pageant just to talk about it. I buy 20$ lipsticks that are worth the risk of a bounced check. I love dresses (especially the ones that you can return) and I love a good masculine man by my side when I am wearing one.

I am no liberal or conservative and hate to talk politics unless I'm five shots of Tequila deep and don't mind agreeing with all the controversial bullshit you are feeding me. Actually, I just like taking shots of Tequila and agreeing with all the unwritten laws of the world like the fact that you can't wear white pants after labor day. I don't like to be told what to do...so I have planned to wear my whitest pair of dockers on the first day of Autumn every year for the rest of my life. This will help you to recognize me if you ever get offended by one of my premature blogs and want to hunt me down and shoot me. Ill be the one wearing the bleached jeans.

I love "break up diets" that make you feel miserably skinny. I love how a good hair color will make your love handles look like they are in "lust" instead. I have came to the conclusion that I must love breaking up...maybe because that is the only way I can make sense of the fact that I am far too unstable to be in a steady and consistent relationship.

Basically, I love to chit chat about nothing. And if you like to hear information that brings very little rhyme or reason to your life...you should totally subscribe to my blog.

And if you happen to not like my useless and unromantic details I have to offer... go fill up your wine glass with a good Merlot and come back and read it again.

I promise you'll like it.

Until the next one,

SittingPretty