I should probably be sleeping

...but who the hell wants to miss out on an opportunity to drink some cheap cabernet, over indulge on triscuits (while imagining they are oreos), and spilling my buzzing guts to an insignificant audience??

Not me sister. So here I am, drinking J. Lohr Cabernet Sauvignon without the class of pouring it into a pretty little wine glass. Cheers to not doing dishes.

This time last year I used countless bottles of Merlot as a substitute for an overpriced therapy session. Not sure if it worked, considering I am still quite bitter and wishing that the most hellish fire would sweep across the apartment complex my ex boyfriend resides in. Is karma really a bitch? Because I'm still waiting for it to kick in for a handful of people.

In my life as a single, I have had the most extraordinarily wierd dating encounters to date. (I don't know where that came from...or where this is heading, feel free tostop reading now). I dated a guy once for two weeks. He showed up at my house, staked ownership on my dog, would excuse himself to go to the bathroom...and then I would hear the fucking shower running?

How do you react to strangers taking unexpected showers in your house?

You just kind of...don't I suppose. Sit there and look a bit puzzled and then when he pops out (after realizing there are no clean towels awaiting him) resume a semi normal conversation.

I went to dinner with a guy who enticed me to try alligator. That was cool, he was cool, and then on the way home he started singing....loud. With the whole "hand gesture, close your eyes and partake in a spiritual moment" kind of look. All this flamboyent behavior to an Alanis Morisette tune.

Weird shit.

I dated a guy with a girlfriend...unknowingly. She was introduced to me via text message. That was shocking, and took a couple of shots to swallow. I have dated a super fit "used to be" fat guy, and I was the sound board for a series of his tramatic soap opera worthy stories of the nicknames that still haunt him (all of this exchange of conversation over two very large, and very healthy bowls of salad of course).

 I'm fairly certain I have been set up on a blind date with the gayest undercover gay guy to ever walk the face of the earth. I had the pleasure of dating a guy who was in love with his trench coat, a guy who was in love with his super tight "look at me I'm a cutter" type jeans, a guy who claimed his walmart designer earings were actually imported from the deserts in Africa - and a guy who was just a bit more unusual then all of the previous combined.

I find them...or they find me?

And in the most improper and brazen way, I am deciding to end it here. I'm too drunk to think of constructing anything else creatively witty or interesting to say.

And to be honest - unraveling these dating experiences are leaving me quite hopeless.

Goodnight lover birds.

- Litte Miss Sunshine